Clogging Arteries, One Bite At A Time

This is revolting.

The West Michigan Whitecaps baseball team (Single-A affiliate for the Detroit Tigers) is introducing a new item on its ballpark menu that will provide you 4800 calories in one sitting.  It's a cheeseburger made of nearly two pounds of beef, five slices of cheese, almost a cup of chili, salsa and corn clips on an eight-inch bun.  It weighs four pounds in all, and you can have it at a Whitecaps game for twenty dollars.

This is all America needs.  Another glutenous way to make an already overweight country fatter.

To me, this isn't funny.  Well, scratch that.  The picture is pretty funny.  It's hysterical, even though that burger looks disgusting.  That's why I posted this on the blog in the first place.  But this is an irresponsible move by the Whitecaps to offer this colossal burger to its customers.

I know what you're going to say.  Ultimately, it's the fans problem if they order this cow on a bun.  It's not like the Whitecaps concession people are force feeding this burger down people's throats.  And I realize that at most parks you can't get a healthy thing to eat as it is.  Trust me, the only thing my health-nut ex-girlfriend used to eat at ballparks was the soft pretzel without the salt.  Even that isn't exactly healthy, though.

But this cannot be a good thing.  It just can't.  The Whitecaps are contributing to American obesity by offering this thing in the first place, and now you're going to have people that want to take the challenge to eat it.  People entering the ballpark each day are going to be asking their buddies, "Dude, you gonna get that four pound burger?"  And you know there will be plenty of fools ready to dive in.  After all, if they eat the whole thing in one sitting they win a free t-shirt.  (So worth it!)  Not to mention they'll wash it down with a few 250 calorie each beers.  Nothing like a nice 6,000 calorie night at the Whitecaps game.

Worse yet, you're going to make things VERY difficult on your janitorial staff who will likely be cleaning up a lot of cheeseburger-induced sicknesses at the park.  Imagine trying to leave the ballpark restroom in the fourth inning when you get bowled over by some greasy fat guy ready to be sick from eating the behemoth burger.  That should be a pleasant experience.

Remind me not to go to a Whitecaps game anytime soon.  Then again, it won't be too hard to stay away.  I just Googled it.  The ballpark is 209 miles away and a good three and a half hour drive from my house.