Why Life Isn't Fair

This man, this bumbling fool, this jerk.  This is why life will never, ever, ever be fair.

Yesterday, the Cleveland Indians decided the eternal wasteland that is Carl Pavano was worth giving a contract.

Now, in fairness, it's only a one-year deal, heavily laced with incentives.  That said, the base salary for that one year is likely more than I'll make in my entire life:  1.5 million.  If he starts 18 games this year, his incentives can start to kick in, where he can make up to an extra 5.3 million.

How on Earth that is fair, I'll never know.

Here's a guy that, without rehashing all of his past issues, completely bombed in New York.  He won 9 games in 4 years, and only pitched for three of them.  He was awful, he was injured, he was sullen, he was a quitter, he was disliked.  There really wasn't a good thing about him.

Coming down the pike last year, he miraculously felt better, enough to come back to the club.  Likely a stunt to simply get himself enough actual tape in pinstripes to show new teams for his new contract, Pavano trotted out for the final month plus of the season.

A truly negative, vindictive individual (like myself) had to be hoping he'd pitch poorly, despite the averse effect it would have on the Yankees.  Under no circumstances did I want to see him pitching in the Major Leagues next year, though I knew that so long as he didn't get hit by a bus, he'd finagle his way on somewhere.  

Still, true to his form, he pitched, and pitched poorly.  In fact, he's actually never been any good.  He had one (count it, one) good season.  That was in 2004, where he went 18-8, with an ERA of exactly 3.00.  Curiously enough, it was his contract year.  Every other season of his career has either been cut short due to injury, average in terms of performance, or plain awful.  In short, he just isn't that good.  Even a squirrel, blind or not, can stumble on a nut.  Robert Fick, Justin Thompson, anyone?

One of those starts from last year against Toronto was specifically misleading.  He allowed 3 hits, one run over 6 innings, so from a boxscore stand point, he pitched quite well.  I was there though.  Let me say this, if the walls at Yankee Stadium were 5 feet closer, he'd have allowed at least 4 home runs.

And so, what confuses me, is what the Indians saw in Pavano.  According to the Akron-Beacon Journal, "Shapiro and his staff were encouraged not only by the findings of Pavano’s physical, but also the fact that he finished his shortened 2008 season with seven strong starts in which he went 4-2 with a 5.77 ERA in 34 innings."

Really?  Honest?  Did you watch any of those innings?  Or even read the ERA?  How can 5.77 ever be confused with encouraging?

Pavano's a fly-ball pitcher throwing in the mid-80's (88 on a hot day!) with his right hand.  He has a laundry list injury past.  He should be in jail for stealing 40 million from the Yankees.  And what does he get for all of this?  Yet another chance to do it again.  For the discounted rate of 1.5 million.

Yeah, that's fair.