Media Day, My Way

The week before each Super Bowl, the players from each team are trotted out and are met by masses of media members.  Some real, some not.  Some serious, some definitely not.  Some funny, some clearly not.

As something of a jokester myself, some of the media day questions I've enjoyed most have been the craziest, the funniest, the silliest questions.  There's only been one guy I've seen that's truly captured the essence of what media day should be (see below).  

If I was running things, these are just a few of the questions I'd ask if given the opportunity at one of these carnivals.

To an offensive lineman:

• Does it bother you that there's probably only five people that live within 700 miles of your home stadium that can identify you without a helmet on?

OR

• How far along are you?  In the pregnancy, how many months in?

To Larry Fitzgerald:

• At what point did you decide that the look you wanted to go for was the Predator look?  Also, did you speak with him (or, it, I guess?) about just jacking his 'do?

To Kurt Warner:

• Some of us are a little confused, and have something of an office pool going on back East.  How important of a role would you say God has played in your life, we weren't sure.  Feel free to go on as long as you please.

To Edge James/Anquan Boldin:

• If it was socially acceptable, would you clone yourself, then marry yourself so you could never stop looking at how great you are?

To Hines Ward:

• If your knee isn't that bad, why are you treating it like a madman for two weeks straight, and waking up at all times in the middle of the night?

To Ken Whisenhunt:

• OK, honesty time, what were you honestly thinking when Big Ben got into his motorcycle accident?

To Byron Leftwich:

• Let's say Ben gets hurt, how low would you say your chances are for success?  If I poured water on you, would you just grow into the ground?

To any one:

• Have you been to or plan to go to one of Tampa Bay's 43 wild and crazy strip clubs? (as opposed to the serious, business-approach ones elsewhere in the country)
• Both are dead, but who would you rather see alive, 2 Pac or Biggie?  
• What player in the NFL do you want to see get wrecked in the most non-life threatening way possible on a football field?  That isn't a wide-receiver...
• Do you think Shaq could play offensive line in the NFL?  
• What's the deal with this economy? (no, seriously, how hysterical would it be to hear a bunch of millionaires try to make it seem like things are going terribly for them too)
• If Barack Obama played football, what position would he play?  Would he be any good?  Would you take a free shot at him if he was coming across the middle on you?

Those are the sorts of things I'd like to see asked at Media Day.  It's the only day a year where the questions are not only expected to be off the wall, but are basically encouraged to be.  So, reporters, heed my advice and take advantage of the once-a-year freedom and ask some real questions.  Enough of this, "if you were a tree, what type of tree would you be?" nonsense.  If you want a moving picture example of the best version I've seen of a reporter taking advantage of a media day opportunity, take a look at this clip.

Now, that's how it's done.