April Fool's Day

Where exactly this "holiday" came from, I have no flipping clue. It's hopelessly stupid, and every year, without fail, I'll come across someone that tries to pull some sort of poorly conceived prank or joke.

Now, I know that the first of April isn't much to celebrate, but, in honor of the big day, I present to you a few things in the sports world that, if you heard them, you would almost certainly be waiting for a loud, "APRIL FOOLS!"

New York Yankees Front Office: In light of the recent economic downturn, we've decided to scale back ticket prices. Tickets that originally cost nearly $2600 will now cost approximately $100 dollars. In fact, even when the economy rebounds, these more realistic prices will remain.

Gary Sheffield: All I want is for the team to get better. If that means me losing at-bats so that some of the young guys on this team can develop, I'm all for it. Honestly, I don't care if I ever get to 500 home runs. Winning comes first for me.

Barry Bonds: Alright, alright. You caught me. I did it. I took steroids. Phew, that feels like a load off, you know? Why I thought this whole aloof, tough guy thing would play well in the media, I have no idea. Can I just get back to playing the game I love so much now?

Gary Bettman: We really don't feel as if the strike hurt our league that much. In fact, we think we've come back stronger. More people that watch Versus on a nightly basis watch our sport than any other sport.

Shaquille O'Neal: From now on, I promise not to make mountains out of molehills, flop, or do anything else to stir the pot unnecessarily to bring my name back into the headlines. I will simply let the fact that I'm still playing at a high level (actually, true) speak for itself, and hope that does enough.

Albert Haynesworth: Yes, 100 million dollars for a defensive tackle is a bit steep. OK, it's down right ridiculous. Especially when you consider I've only really tried hard the last two years.

Jay Cutler: Josh, my bad. I've acted a little immature. Truth is, I can kind of understand the idea of wanting Matt Cassel instead of me. No big deal. I'll be there in a little bit.

LeBron James: I don't know what New York is getting so excited for, I'm actually going to go and play in Europe when my contract's up. Poland's where it's at, y'all!

David Stern: We truly believe that this year, it's anyone's game. Sure, the Celtics and Lakers are playing well, but it's not like we're rooting for them to make the Finals or anything.

Any Cubs Player In The Last 100 Years: No, the pressure never gets to us. Just bad luck and bad circumstances. We don't really buy into the whole "curse" thing.

The list of these is potentially endless. Any others in mind?

This Has Nothing To Do With Sports, But...

...This commercial is so funny. I have seen this multiple times and I have laughed every time.



And here's a commercial that does have to do with sports that is equally hilarious.




Enjoy.

How Hard Is It To Do Your Job?

Atlanta Hawks scorekeeping crew, you get back in the house right now!

Not sure if you heard about this one (shouts to BDL), but apparently the Atlanta Hawks are having trouble keeping their scorekeeping crew on task.

In Sunday's game against the Cleveland Cavaliers, Delonte West was credited with a fourth personal foul towards the end of the third quarter, prompting Mike Brown to remove him from the game.

The problem?

West only had three fouls at the time.  Brown, in finding out this news, plans on filing a complaint, and I for one can't blame him.

Kelly Dwyer in the linked article makes the point that removing guys regardless of situation because of "foul trouble" (which he argues West wasn't really even in considering time of game---and he's right) is just down right pointless.  To those points, I say, well done Mr. Dwyer.

However, what I can't seem to figure is how they make that sort of mistake.  It's not like in Atlanta there's just one guy running the scoreboard, and keeping the book, like it's some sort of 7th and 8th grade mixed rec league.  They've got a whole team of people over there that should be keeping track of things, like say, personal fouls.

And, this isn't the first time this has happened.  Remember that game that the Heat were allowed to finish against the Hawks last season, those last 52 seconds?  The reason was because the Hawks crack squad had fouled Shaquille O'Neal out of the game with 51.9 seconds remaining, when he actually only had 5 fouls.  Kudos.

It really shouldn't happen at all, but twice?  Come on, how hard is it to keep track of fouls?

The Obvious Conclusion

There was only one thing I could think watching the NBA All-Star Game last night. Shaquille O'Neal is angling to head back to the Lakers. And the Lakers are angling to get Shaq back in the City of Angels.

There's no other explanation for this warm reunion between two men who couldn't co-exist after three championship runs in L.A.

Phil Jackson coached the West all-stars by putting both Kobe Bryant and Shaq on the floor together. They won the co-MVP award of the game. There was lots of reminiscent commentary from players and coaches about what could have been if Kobe and Shaq stayed together. More than three titles? Maybe five or six?

It seems to me it was all part of the newest conspiracy to get the Kobe and Shaq relationship all warm and fuzzy again so that they can reunite to take the Lakers back to the promised land.

Think about it. As Scott mentioned already today, the Suns are in disarray. Terry Porter was fired, the team is underachieving, and Amar'e could be traded by the deadline. The Lakers lost Andrew Bynum until at least the playoffs, and they could use another center to compliment Pau Gasol.

What could be better than adding back one of the most popular Lakers of the last twenty years, and make the Suns worse in the process?

Don't be surprised to see Shaq and Kobe together again soon.

Porter's Not The Problem

In an otherwise plum perfect weekend for the city of Phoenix, a coach was fired.  Suns head coach Terry Porter was let go four months into his first season with Phoenix.  Word out of the Valley is that assistant coach Alvin Gentry will take over.

Whoop-di-do!

Really though, is it Porter's fault?  I don't know if he's a good coach.  I must admit, I somehow managed to miss a lot of Milwaukee Bucks games during his tenure there a few years back.  Something with my DVR not working, various public events I had to attend...

The real issue isn't the coaching here.  Porter's style, a slower, half-court style, isn't the problem.  It's that Steve Kerr, GM, decided to force it on this team, this once revolutionarily fast team.

7 seconds or less, that was the motto of the Mike D'Antoni Suns.  Now, it appears that Steve Kerr has gone as far away from that strategy as is humanly possible.  I'll be the first one to say that D'Antoni's system will only take a team so far, as is evidenced by the fact that they could never make it to the Finals.

But, at least (to most people not named Scott Spinelli) they were entertaining, and they were winning.  It's impossible to imagine them sustaining that level of play forever, with Steve Nash getting older especially (check out his "injury" note on his player page for a laugh).  But you might expect them to make the change a bit more fluidly.

Now, with shrewd moves to drop off athletic talent in that system (Shawn Marion, Boris Diaw) for aging, past-their-prime superstars (Shaquille O'Neal, Jason Richardson) the Suns and Kerr have attempted to completely change the image of the franchise.  Talks have even heated up to get rid of that Amar'e character.  Phew, what a load off that would be!

The Suns of 2009, no longer even fun, or good.  

Maybe instead of Porter getting the axe, Kerr should be the one being relieved of his duties.  Just a thought.

As Usual, They Got It Wrong Again

Every single year, in every sport, there's a player or two that is some how, some way, left off an All-Star game roster.  Now, I know that a lot of players say they don't care.  A lot of fans say (and they're right, largely) that it doesn't matter, who cares?

Well even if we're operating under the assumption that no one cares, and it doesn't mean that much, there's just certain levels of stupidity that even I can't tolerate. 

You could make honest cases for Ray Allen, Vince Carter, Carmelo Anthony, Jason Terry, Paul Millsap, Rajon Rondo and others.  

But, let's be fair here, just as easily you could also make solid cases against each of them.

Allen only is scoring 18 ppg, and two other Celtics made the team.  Carter is having a great season, but how many Nets can you take when they're playing as poorly as they are?  Melo's missed about a month, and even so, his numbers aren't staggering by any stretch.  Terry's a 6th man that's putting up a great scoring season, but others on the team have better overall numbers.  Paul Millsap is having a solid season, no doubt, but, there's better players at his position that didn't make it.  Finally, Rondo's has truly had an up-and-down season and though most of it has been up, he just isn't playing better than the other points on the roster.

The issue I have is the blatant one, the biggest one, literally.  One Shaquille O'Neal, being selected as a reserve.  Forget the fact that The Big Cactus or The Big Aristotle or The Big Bad Contract Situation or whatever he calls himself nowadays doesn't even always play on back to back nights.  Forget the fact that he's only averaging 18 points a contest.  Forget basically everything about him.  The issue isn't him, so much as whose spot he is taking.

Why, under God's green earth, Al Jefferson wasn't selected is so far beyond my normal, human, non-NBA-insider's mind that I struggle to even finish this post because my brain hurts so much.

Consider that Jefferson is only one of three humans in the NBA that average at least 20 points and 10 rebounds a game.  Consider further that of these three (the other two are in the game, by the way--Duncan and Howard), he is averaging the most points per game, by three.  Consider even further that some how last year, despite averages over over 20 and 10 at the break, he also wasn't selected.  

The only possible explanation I can think of is that his inclusion in the game would be representing the worst team out of any of the other selected players.  Still, the Wolves are 7-3 in their last ten, and frankly, aren't very good.  Not all Jefferson's fault.  

How this has happened twice now, is simply astonishing.  Jefferson, at only slightly above 2 mil a year could be the biggest bargain in sports right now, but he won't be an All-Star.  

Why?

 

I have no clue.