April Fool's Day

Where exactly this "holiday" came from, I have no flipping clue. It's hopelessly stupid, and every year, without fail, I'll come across someone that tries to pull some sort of poorly conceived prank or joke.

Now, I know that the first of April isn't much to celebrate, but, in honor of the big day, I present to you a few things in the sports world that, if you heard them, you would almost certainly be waiting for a loud, "APRIL FOOLS!"

New York Yankees Front Office: In light of the recent economic downturn, we've decided to scale back ticket prices. Tickets that originally cost nearly $2600 will now cost approximately $100 dollars. In fact, even when the economy rebounds, these more realistic prices will remain.

Gary Sheffield: All I want is for the team to get better. If that means me losing at-bats so that some of the young guys on this team can develop, I'm all for it. Honestly, I don't care if I ever get to 500 home runs. Winning comes first for me.

Barry Bonds: Alright, alright. You caught me. I did it. I took steroids. Phew, that feels like a load off, you know? Why I thought this whole aloof, tough guy thing would play well in the media, I have no idea. Can I just get back to playing the game I love so much now?

Gary Bettman: We really don't feel as if the strike hurt our league that much. In fact, we think we've come back stronger. More people that watch Versus on a nightly basis watch our sport than any other sport.

Shaquille O'Neal: From now on, I promise not to make mountains out of molehills, flop, or do anything else to stir the pot unnecessarily to bring my name back into the headlines. I will simply let the fact that I'm still playing at a high level (actually, true) speak for itself, and hope that does enough.

Albert Haynesworth: Yes, 100 million dollars for a defensive tackle is a bit steep. OK, it's down right ridiculous. Especially when you consider I've only really tried hard the last two years.

Jay Cutler: Josh, my bad. I've acted a little immature. Truth is, I can kind of understand the idea of wanting Matt Cassel instead of me. No big deal. I'll be there in a little bit.

LeBron James: I don't know what New York is getting so excited for, I'm actually going to go and play in Europe when my contract's up. Poland's where it's at, y'all!

David Stern: We truly believe that this year, it's anyone's game. Sure, the Celtics and Lakers are playing well, but it's not like we're rooting for them to make the Finals or anything.

Any Cubs Player In The Last 100 Years: No, the pressure never gets to us. Just bad luck and bad circumstances. We don't really buy into the whole "curse" thing.

The list of these is potentially endless. Any others in mind?